Autumn's Melody

My first post on this blog was well over a year ago. At that time I was living in Austin, TX. My life is pretty different now. But in some ways a lot of it is the same. Still dealing with depression, anxiety, irrational thoughts, fears and stress. But I weigh a lot more and live in the Dallas area again. I was doing so well last year with my weight-loss. But I managed to gain it all back and then some since about August/September of 2008. I partly blame a medication change. But also my motivation to eat right and exercise vanished. I remember a time when I actually looked forward to long walks up the hiking trail in North Austin. I was counting my calories and also using a weight loss video assistant. I got tired of continuing to struggle financially though and felt like Austin had nothing to offer me anymore. Ironically I spent my first 3-4 months here basically jobless. Was fortunate to find something long-term in May. Supposed to be going full time with the company (no longer with staffing co.) next month. This job has had many ups and downs for me so anything could happen in the next month. I'm thankful to still have a job despite my continued deep depression. My work is usually affected (well rather my dealings with co-workers) by my depression. My "promotion" to a lead role has felt somewhat hollow, because I feel like I could be doing so much more with my life. I feel as though my sadness and insecurities have held me back from success much of my life. So often I want to just forget my past failures and just make the right choices from here on out. But usually I just feel its too late. How is it too late? I'm going to be 30, not 80!