So many thoughts running through my head. I'm feeling rejection from Eric now. This is crazy. I'm not even sure I like him - he's not giving me any reasons to. I regret the way things happened yesterday. It was so awkward. Now I feel like I officially screwed things up with him, but I still haven't figured out if I care or not.
Mentally I am in no shape to be with anyone. I wonder if I've ever been. I wonder if I am meant to be alone. Every time I am with someone, I do something to mess it up or I don't like something(s) about them and destroy it.
Maybe I'm meant to be tortured all my life.
Instead of dwell on regrets - Better choices for tomorrow
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Monday, April 14, 2008
My free blog....
Sometimes I just need someone to talk to. I am trying so hard to make friends. I feel like as soon as I find someone I "gel" with or I'm attracted to, I need to hear from that person constantly. Which I know is insane. Its the same ole thing... loneliness. Having no one to talk to or interact with makes you want interaction all that much more.
I realize that I have a very closed mind when it comes to making friends. Its almost like, if I'm not 100% attracted to or compatible with that person, I lose interest.
Is there anyone else out there that feels this way? I feel OCD with my email and with certain websites sometimes. I wonder why "no one" is writing me. Why does it seem like I'm being forgotten sometimes. But yet I know I'm forgetting about other people! People that for whatever reason I lost interest in. I just feel guilty, sad, confused, and kinda hopeless. Sometimes I feel like the only one that feels this way. But I know I'm not. It would be nice to be able to talk to someone or several people on a regular basis that understand how I feel. Whether I could give them advice or they could give me advice... it doesn't matter. Just someone to talk to.
I'm doing all these self-improvements... losing weight, eating better, getting a better job, etc. But I still have these irrational feelings that drive me crazy! I feel like there's nothing I can do about it either. I've tried to feel "normal". But I end up realizing how abnormal I really am.
I realize that I have a very closed mind when it comes to making friends. Its almost like, if I'm not 100% attracted to or compatible with that person, I lose interest.
Is there anyone else out there that feels this way? I feel OCD with my email and with certain websites sometimes. I wonder why "no one" is writing me. Why does it seem like I'm being forgotten sometimes. But yet I know I'm forgetting about other people! People that for whatever reason I lost interest in. I just feel guilty, sad, confused, and kinda hopeless. Sometimes I feel like the only one that feels this way. But I know I'm not. It would be nice to be able to talk to someone or several people on a regular basis that understand how I feel. Whether I could give them advice or they could give me advice... it doesn't matter. Just someone to talk to.
I'm doing all these self-improvements... losing weight, eating better, getting a better job, etc. But I still have these irrational feelings that drive me crazy! I feel like there's nothing I can do about it either. I've tried to feel "normal". But I end up realizing how abnormal I really am.
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