The Black Keys- Tighten up (lyrics)

Heartbroken

This song by Staind really seems to speak how I feel now regarding someone who I care for so much, but cannot imagine him in my life the way I did before.
Disappointed doesn't begin to describe how I feel about this situation.
I really thought that he would one day make a great husband and father and even spiritual leader. I really don't want to "bash" him so to speak but after the way I heard him talk (yell) at his dad last night while we were talking on the phone, I can't look at him in the same light.
He and I were having a kind of emotional conversation and things had finally gotten positive and I was talking to him and he interrupts me, tells me to hold on and suddenly i hear "I'M ON THE DAMN PHONE DAD!!!" he was saying more but can't remember because I hung up as fast as I could. In that moment my heart sank to my feet knowing how disrespectful he is to his parents and their messed up living situation - just made me sick. There's no future in someone like that, at least not for me.
I just think its amazing to me how we met because he was looking for a Christian female friend online back in the spring of 2009 and everything that's happened since then. It makes no sense to me.
Its extremely difficult for me as a 31 year old woman to know I'm still at square one relationally. I regret my marriage and subsequent divorce all those years ago. It set me soooo far back and I can't seem to ever make any progress. The number of strong (single) Christian men in this world seem to be dwindling (they're married to their strong Christian wives, having beautiful children and teaching them Jesus). There seem to be an abundance of immature wanderers with no direction.
I trust that God has a plan for me so I keep that in mind when I feel down and lonely about my current situation. I thank God for taking care of my broken heart and showing me that life is better than dwelling on men that don't really care about me or about life with Him.

Really Really Really ready

...... for the torture in my brains to go away. I think this has been the 2nd straight solid week now of continuous brain zaps. At this point, it feels like they will never go away. I was really hoping that they'd become less frequent by the end of the week. Work was good one day this week but the other 3 were stressful and full of brain zaps. I've been sitting with a new hire for the past 2 days straight. She's the new onsite for our other client. But unfortunately, she's the 2nd attempt. The first one was great! She was real nice and we got along pretty good. BUT she managed to fail her drug screen - figures. Turns out she was with friends within the last few weeks and smoked a joint. So my boss quickly lines up new interviews and hired a new person within 1 day and had her sitting with me the next. The new one is very different - older, mother-like. It wasn't long before she was trying to help me do my job. I drove us to get our drug screens done for the other client today and I felt like the worst driver with her over there freaking out and telling me which lane to be in. By the end of the day today, I had pretty much checked out mentally. Having someone sit by you and watch you work and you having to talk to them and you're trying to explain what you're doing is pretty exhausting.
I found myself thinking all the way home that it was this kind of day that makes me really wish I wasn't single and coming home to a cat. A massage and great conversation would have been wonderful.
The other main side effect of withdrawing from the Zoloft, besides zaps and irritability - is the extreme emotions. EVERYTHING is making me cry. Its not a depressed cry - just all these emotions I'm not used to feeling about EVERYTHING. I'm crying when I feel happy about something, when I see a commercial or something on TV, a song on the radio. I'm surprised I've made it through the workdays without crying.
My verse of the week has to be Psalm 54:2 "O God, hear my prayer; give ear to the words of my mouth." (ESV)

My last couple of weeks

Just a brief update of my last couple of weeks. I have been tapering off of the Zoloft. I am into my 3rd week doing so and I am following my doctor's instructions. But I'm very aware that its too fast of a taper. My first couple of weeks weren't too bad but into my 3rd week, things have picked up in the symptoms department.
Below is the general symptoms reported from people who have tapered off of or quit Zoloft (and other psychiatric drugs). I can attest to several of them but my biggest complaint is what they call paresthesia. However I would describe it differently than tingling. I feel like I'm being brain-shocked every 30 seconds or less. I've experienced this before, but this is the most I have felt in a long time. I'm just praying right now for some relief from this feeling. I've decided to bold the ones that are affecting me the most.More later.
Psychiatric
anxiety, crying spells, insomnia, irritability, agitation, mood lability, vivid or bizarre dreams, difficulty with concentration and memory.
Neurologic:
dizziness, lightheadedness, headache, paresthesia (electric shock-like tingling), vertigo
Motor:
dystonia (gait instability), tremor
Gastrointestinal:
nausea, vomiting, diarrhea
Somatic:
chills, fatigue, lethargy, myalgias, rhinorrhea, sweating