Ideally I would like to find an alternative health-care practitioner that would help me get off the prescription medications and to battle the depression in a real way. In the way that I believe is the only way I'll have true and lasting success. I find myself getting so upset over the way the health-care system is today. I've become accustomed to the doctor visits where I go in for 10-15 minutes and she writes me a prescription. But yet I still battle every day, every month, every year with sometimes debilitating depression and anxiety. At one point I was almost in a "give-up" stage. Just thought that my brain was never going to let me live a normal life. To one day meet the man God created for me and to have children. I gave up on that - decided it wasn't for me because of the depression. Thought I would be on anti-depressants the rest of my life.
I've idealized suicide a lot over the past 10 or so years, even recently.
But I'm finally at the place where I decided I haven't given up. Its difficult because I let myself dwell on the negatives in this world. There is so much evil that it makes me sick. There are a lot of people giving up on life. But I refuse to do that any more. I want to help other people get out of themselves, the way I'm fighting to get out of myself. I want to make a positive difference on someones life.
Lord, I pray right now for courage to take the next steps. Please give me Your wisdom. Where do you want me to start?
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