Its been over a month since I posted here. I supposed for awhile there I didn't post because things were going pretty well for me..... I got a promotion and raise and full time benefits at work and a position with more responsibility. But slowly things went back to the norm..... gloomy, tired and no motivation to do anything or go anywhere except to work to get a paycheck.
I know I need to get my butt back to a doctor, this time one that can really work with me to get the correct medication in me. I hate that I am dependent on a pill to get through the day, but I've come to realize that this is probably the way it will be for a long time, if not forever.
Now that I have real medical insurance, i feel better about my chances at getting out of this dark tunnel that I just don't have the energy to climb out of.
I'm lonely but I tend to make sure that I'm alone a lot so why should I complain?
Finally decided to cut Brian out of my life, at least electronically. We haven't seen each other since we broke up. He's already dating someone else and it hurts to see him moving on while I'm still stuck in the same state I was in when we broke up, which was a big reason WHY we broke up. But I felt a huge lack of compassion coming from this man. Just plain "dont care". I just needed to cut that out of my life before it began to eat me alive. He probably will never realize just how much he hurt me with the things he's said to me. But he never will.
I will end this post here for now simply because there are so many thoughts running through my mind that it would take hours to put them here. I will go back to tuning the world out now.
2 comments:
I lived on Effexor XR for nearly 4 years. I needed it desparately when I started it. My body slowed and it addicted me. It was very hard to kick. I'm "clean" (THAT IS A JOKE!) from it 14 months now. I still have hard days or hard periods... but I survived all hell. Come more often to my photos- let that put a smile on your face. Then take a pic of the smile. I'm sure many others like myself would like to see it.
It's hard to see other people move on so quickly after a relationship. When it happens to me, I have to wonder why it's so easy for them. It's so easy for them to be normal, and I can't seem to get it. Truth is it's not about being normal, it's simply the way the cards play out. Some people slip so easily into relationships, others take their time. Some people feel nothing, some feel too much.
You're not a weak person Melody. In fact, that you've made it this far despite the weights around your neck tell me you are very strong. I hope you realize how strong you are, and that knowing this might encourage you.
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