Its been another 8-9 months since my last post. I came back with the intention of developing this into more of a weight loss/health/misc blog. If I'm going to have any success losing the weight I really need to lose, I'm going to have to be honest about everything. At this point I'm guessing I don't have any readers but that's not the point - at least not right now. Right now its about seriously getting some of this weight off. I weighed myself this morning and the scale showed 208 pounds. That surprisingly is not my highest weight. 210 is. :) My current BMI is 36.8 which puts me well into the "obesity" range. Obviously I am putting myself at greater risk for heart disease and other problems. I know this and yet my motivation to change this has been extremely low. I could blame a lot of things on my medication roller-coaster but I'm tired of doing that. I'm tired of always being the heavy, unhappy woman wherever I go. But I know this is more about action than words. My first step has been adding cardio to my day. Its only been a couple of days so far but I will keep going. I've started using my elliptical/bike in the morning and I'm finding it better to focus on doing that instead of waiting until after work. Just need to go at least 30 minutes in the morning. It helps to have something to watch on TV while I exercise. Next I will make a realistic shopping list full of low-calorie items and including lots of fruits and some vegetables. Don't want to try to hard at first and get burnt out quickly. But I do want to start small with some easy, cheap recipes that are tasty. Admittedly I've been a bit of a fast-food junkie lately with McDonald's being my go-to when I've felt any sort of hunger pang or even restlessness (medication related). So I know it will be difficult to transition to better eating habits again. I've done it before so I know I can. Its just a matter of re-training my brain.

Been nearly a year

I know its been almost a year since my last post. I considered starting a brand new blog, but thought maybe I should continue what I started... just go about things a bit differently.
I have been thinking of getting back online for some time. But today I think I had a bit of a wake up call. I'm still baffled honestly. I just went for a walk and soon I was feeling dehydrated and very out of breath. Eventually felt like I was going to pass out. Now I HAVE been sick with a cold this week so it might be because of that. But I do know that if I was in better shape, that would not have happened.
I have yo-yo dieted for the past couple of years ever since I gained back all the weight I lost in Austin. I really can't explain why I have some success and then have a small slip up and go back to eating crap and not moving.
It occurred to me this week as well, that this is October! This is the beginning of the fall season! I have a whole 8-9 months to get in shape for Summer 2011. Why not start right now and make some goals? The way I've been living hasn't worked. Its lead me to be depressed, alone and overweight. Something obviously needs to change.
I've started reading a book called The Depression CURE and its something I really need to keep reading and absorbing. Basically the premise is - human beings weren't designed to live the modern lifestyles that we are living. To sit in sedentary jobs all day and then come home and sit in a dark apartment watching TV, eating fatty foods, alone.
Over the past several months I've considered the fact that I may indeed be ADD or ADHD. It makes sense when I consider the symptoms: extreme distract-ability, difficulty focusing on important things, forgetting about bills, losing things, keeping a messy apartment.... and on and on. I've read up on how ADD and depression are linked. I believe they feed off of each other. I feel like a failure for having a messy apartment and being late to things and losing things and get frustrated. I feel like I will never have a successful relationship because I've ruined every one I've ever had or even thought I was going to have.
So my plans for this blog are to write everything out about the changes I am making. About weight loss and just thoughts on life. I plan on finding fellow bloggers for inspiration so I won't get distracted and lose my way. And eventually become the person I was supposed to be - inside and out!