My blog is just getting going again so it may take some time to get some good thoughts going. I need this. Even if no one reads it. Although I am interested in finding like-minded people out there because most of the time I feel like I'm going through this - by this I mean battling depression - alone. My boyfriend Brian is a sweetheart but its obvious he has no clue what is going on in my head. I hated to do it but recently confessed to him my thoughts about suicide. He said I made him cry and he never cries. That made my heart melt toward him because I realized he really does care about me. I find it hard to wrap my brain around people really caring about me. I really don't know why. I'm a Christian with Christian parents and friends and family but everything just seems hollow.

Why is this happening? Why do I feel like he doesn't care? Why do I feel like God doesn't care?
I waver between being a normal, understanding person and being a crazy emotional person that doesn't understand real life. I have struggled in relationships with others my ENTIRE life. I'm so sick of this. Why does suicide seem so logical again? Because I feel like no one will ever understand me. And the comfort I desperately need from God is never there.